Red Flags for Love: Biphobia or Just Plain Folly?

The latest installment of Slate’s sex advice column has sparked a heated debate among readers familiar with non-monogamy and bisexuality. A woman wrote in about her concerns regarding her boyfriend’s fluid sexuality, which he described as “switching” between attraction to men and women. Her fears are compounded by his lack of clarity and consistency when discussing his desires.

Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak responded to the letter, stripping away labels of gender and sexuality to reveal a more fundamental issue: the boyfriend’s inability to communicate effectively with his partner. They pointed out that the signs were there from the start – his declaration of preferring men both sexually and romantically, his initial desire to open up their relationship, and subsequent confusion about his desires.

The Red Flags of Confusion

This lack of clarity has led many readers to question whether the woman is struggling with internalized biphobia or dealing with a partner who is unclear about his feelings. Rich Juzwiak noted that if someone treats you poorly and can’t be honest with themselves, how can they be honest with you? The boyfriend’s request to open up their relationship, despite initial reluctance to date women, raises more questions than answers.

Jessica Stoya criticized the boyfriend’s behavior as manipulative, labeling it “manipulative-little-shit-phobia.” While this term may be strong, it’s hard to disagree with her assessment. The boyfriend’s use of depression as an excuse for his inconsistent behavior is particularly troubling, and his partner’s willingness to overlook these red flags raises concerns about the health of their relationship.

A Love Without Boundaries?

Rich Juzwiak astutely observed that this scenario has all the hallmarks of a messy love affair – one that blurs the lines between romance and experimentation. If the boyfriend is indeed struggling with his own desires, it’s clear that he needs to seek help before putting his partner through the wringer.

For those tempted to label this woman’s fears as internalized biphobia, it’s worth considering the complexities of non-monogamy and bisexuality. Rich Juzwiak noted that “sexuality is a journey, and you will continue to evolve.” Perhaps what we’re seeing here is not biphobia at all, but rather a woman who is wary of a relationship that seems to be more about her partner’s desires than her own.

Jessica Stoya aptly put it: “You don’t move past this; you move on.” For those struggling with similar concerns in their own relationships, take heed: sometimes the red flags are clear as day.