Asking Eric: She gave me a ridiculous excuse for how the rings got in her purse

[Spe]

I recently received a call from my sister, Lydia, who has a history of pathological lying. She told me that she had "accidentally" taken some of our mother's rings and had them appraised at a pawn shop before mailing them back to us. The problem is, I know she couldn't have just "accidentally" taken the rings, given that the guardian ad litem would likely do an inventory after our mom passed away.

Lydia made up this ridiculous excuse to avoid getting in trouble for stealing the rings. It's infuriating to think that she's trying to manipulate me into believing her version of events when I know what really happened.

I've been feeling betrayed by Lydia, and it's hard to see how the family can be objective about this situation. The truth is, Lydia has a pattern of dishonesty, and I'm not surprised that she would try to pull something like this.

The advice from the "Dear Ring" column suggests that I need to set an internal boundary and recognize that Lydia's behavior is a part of her larger issue with lying. It's not about me being wrong or "bad"; it's about recognizing that some people are prone to making poor choices.

As for Lydia's relationship issues, another reader asked how to handle a partner who doesn't want to communicate effectively. The response from the column suggests that it's time to reevaluate the relationship and prioritize your own needs. If you feel unheard and unvalued in your partnership, it may be time to consider moving on.

In both cases, I think the key is recognizing that some people are beyond helping themselves or changing their behavior. You can only control how you react to the situation, not what they do.

 

[Xerothermic]

ugh, I gotta take the opposite view lol... I think your sister Lydia's "pattern of dishonesty" is being kinda unfair on her . We all make mistakes, and it sounds like she made a huge error, but that doesn't mean she's beyond help or that you're not partly to blame for getting upset . If she's trying to make amends, maybe you should cut her some slack? I know it's hard when you feel betrayed, but holding onto resentment might not be the best way to move forward

 

[Anxious Antelope]

I'm like, totally torn between being angry at Lydia for trying to pawn off her own dishonesty on us and feeling bad for her because, let's be real, she's got a serious habit of lying . I mean, we all know she's not exactly the most trustworthy person in the world, but come on, can't she just own up to it like a normal human being? It's like, if you're gonna do something wrong, at least have the decency to make up a good excuse, right? But I guess that's just not Lydia's style, and now I'm left feeling all bitter and resentful about it . On a related note, yeah, relationships can be toxic as hell too, especially when one partner is consistently making you feel unheard and unvalued . Maybe it's time for both of those people to take a hard look in the mirror and ask themselves if they're really doing anyone any favors by staying in that situation .

 

[Middl]

I totally get why you're feeling betrayed by Lydia - it's like she's gaslighting you into thinking she's telling the truth when you know better . I think the advice from the "Dear Ring" column is spot on, though - setting that internal boundary and recognizing her lying habit is key . It's not about being a bad person or making mistakes, it's about acknowledging that some people struggle with honesty.

And omg, don't even get me started on Lydia's actions ... taking grandma's rings to pawn? That's just crazy talk! But you're right, she has a pattern of dishonesty and we can't change her, only how we react to it. It's all about self-care and prioritizing our own needs in those situations . Like, if Lydia can't be honest with us, maybe she shouldn't have access to grandma's stuff?

 

[Nerv]

omg i feel u so much i mean its like ur sister literally took the rings and had them appraised before sending them back lol who comes up with this stuff?? and dont even get me started on family dynamics its like ur trying to be all objective but honestly i think its super unfair to expect u to just accept lydia's behavior bc shes "got a pattern of dishonesty" newsflash sister doesnt make excuses for herself she makes excuses for everyone else. its like u deserve better than that

 

[Panick]

I feel you . It's like, you know your sister's got a history of fibbing, and now she's trying to pull this crazy "accidental pawn shop" stunt on you? No way . And you're right, the guardian ad litem would've done an inventory, so that excuse is pretty weak.

It's hard not to take it personally, though. I mean, Lydia's been dishonest with you before, and now she's trying to gaslight you into believing this wild story . But, like, setting that internal boundary and recognizing her pattern of behavior... that's the real move . You can't control Lydia, but you can control how you react.

And, honestly, I think it's pretty healthy of you to acknowledge your feelings and not just sweep it under the rug . It's like, yeah, your sister might be beyond helping herself, but you're taking care of yourself, and that's what matters .

 

[Xer]

i feel u! lydia's got a history of pathological lying and now she's trying to spin this whole thing again . it's like she thinks we're just gonna believe her "accidental" story . anywayz, i think the advice about recognizing her behavior is spot on . sometimes people are just stuck in their ways and can't change . but it's still hard to see our own fam members like lydia acting like this . and omg, have you seen those "dear ring" columns? they're soooo old school . anywayz, gotta set boundaries with lydia and prioritize my own feelings