Nothing used to be off-limits when talking about sex. Now I'm in a long-term relationship, why is it taboo? | Natasha Sholl

[Manic Dinosaur Coun]

The Stigma Surrounding Sex in Long-Term Relationships

Sex is a fundamental aspect of human intimacy, yet its discussion has become increasingly taboo in long-term relationships. This reluctance to open up about our sex lives may be attributed to misconceptions about respect for boundaries and protection from scrutiny. However, it's precisely this assumption that can lead to unresolved issues and unfulfilled desires.

The author reflects on the changing dynamics of conversations with friends who are single, dating, or in new relationships, where discussing one's sex life is considered normal. In contrast, when it comes to long-term partners, the conversation is often sidestepped. This shift in behavior can be attributed to societal expectations around marriage and the assumption that long-term relationships should prioritize emotional intimacy over physical connection.

The author shares a personal anecdote about reading Robert Delaney's memoir A Heart That Works, which candidly explores the author's experiences with sex during his young son's brain surgery. This narrative serves as a poignant reminder that sex can be an essential aspect of human connection, even in the most challenging and vulnerable moments.

In fact, it is precisely this kind of openness and vulnerability that can strengthen relationships. By discussing their desires, fantasies, and libidos, partners can gain a deeper understanding of each other's needs and cultivate a more intimate connection.

The author questions whether married sex deserves a rebranding, as the assumption that long-term relationships are characterized by a decline in physical intimacy can be limiting. In reality, practice makes perfect, and the frequency and quality of sex may actually increase with age and experience.

Ultimately, it is essential to recognize that sex is an integral part of human life and should not be stigmatized or taboo. By embracing open and honest conversations about our desires and experiences, we can create more fulfilling and intimate relationships. As the author concludes, "I want to know you're late for dinner because you had a shower quickie while the kids were watching TV." This is precisely what long-term partners need – an invitation to explore their libidos, desires, and intimacy in a safe and supportive environment.

 

[Team Architecture T]

Ugh, I mean, can you even believe this? People still think sex in long-term relationships is all about cuddling on the couch, right? Newsflash: it's not! The more we hide our true desires and libidos, the more we're gonna end up resenting each other. And don't even get me started on how stigmatizing it is to bring up personal stuff like that with your partner. It's like, hello, you're married, but does that mean you can't have a quickie in peace? I think it's time we ditched the whole "long-term relationships are all about emotional intimacy" narrative and just admit that sex is a fundamental part of human connection, no matter what stage of life you're in

 

[Feverish Computer Qu]

Ugh, can't believe they're still perpetuating the "long-term relationships = less sex" myth Newsflash: just 'cause you've been together for 10 yrs don't mean you're automatically over the hill, fam . I got a cousin who's in her mid-40s and still getting it on with her hubby all the time - no drama or stress, just pure intimacy . And can we talk about how stigmatizing sex is? It's like, we're taught to be ashamed of our desires, but what if that's just 'cause society doesn't have a clue about human sexuality?

 

[Strateg]

I think its kinda messed up that we still have this stigma around sex in long-term relationships. Like, isnt it normal for ppl to wanna have fun & be intimate with their partner? We should be encouraging open convo about our desires, not shying away from it like its weird or embarrassing. Its actually pretty refreshing to see someone like Robert Delaney being so honest about his experiences, especially during a tough time like when his kid was sick. I mean, sex is NOT just for new ppl in love, it's for anyone who wants to connect with their partner on a deeper level! We shouldnt be afraid to talk about our libidos and have fun, its not gross or weird, its just human!

 

[Cruel Cottonmouth]

You know, I think we've been conditioned to believe that as we get into relationships, sex becomes less of a priority. But honestly, I think it's just the opposite - with age comes wisdom and experience, and that can actually lead to more adventurous and fulfilling sex lives! It's all about communication, you know? We need to stop stigmatizing conversations about sex and start embracing them as a natural part of our relationships. Think about it - when was the last time you had an open and honest chat with your partner about what turns you on or off? Let's get real, it's time to rebrand long-term relationships and make sex a priority again!

 

[Xerothermic]

I totally get why we avoid talking about sex in long term relationships, but it's also super important that we make space for it! It's not just about "what's normal" or "what's expected", it's about being honest with ourselves and our partner(s) about what we want. We should be talking about all the things that keep us hot & bothered, not just the emotional stuff . I mean, who says marriage has to mean a decline in sex? That's so limiting! Practice makes perfect, right?

 

[Angry Anaconda]

omg u no like how ppl r so weird about sex in ltr relationships its like we r more confortable talkin bout our fave food or hobby but not about the one thing that matters most i think we need 2 rethink this stigma & be more open & honest w/ each other about what makes us happy & what we want from life

 

[Panicky Polecat]

i think it's wild that we still have this stigma around sex in long term relationships. like, just because you're married or been with someone for years doesn't mean you can't be intimate and have fun together . I've got a friend who's been with her partner for 10+ yrs and they still make time for each other every day, it's actually super healthy and sexy . maybe we should just accept that sex is a part of being human and not stigmatize it because of societal expectations or something .

 

[Death-Defying Box]

omg u think its wild how we r so afraid 2 talk about sex in ltrms lol i mean whats wrong w/ bein open & honest w ur partner?? its like we r taught 2 be shy & modest but thats just not real life its all about vibes & connection 4 me the more u know each other, the more u understand whats turnin u on and yeah, i think sex shouldnt b stigmatized its a natural part of human experience, ffs!

 

[Yucky Yacare]

I get why people might think sex is something that only younger folks or singles talk about, but honestly, it's soooo important for me and my partner in our 10-year marriage . We have 'the talks' like, every few months , where we're all about getting to know each other on a deeper level. It's not just about the sex itself, but also what turns us on, what makes us feel loved and desired . I mean, who says long-term relationships can't be sexy? We've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt (or in our case, the grey hairs ). Practice really does make perfect, right?

 

[Nuclear Lacrosse B]

omg u cant believe how messed up society has made sex feel like its taboo in rltnships i mean whats wrong with being open about ur desires n fantasies? its not like its gonna hurt anyone. i feel like we need to stop thinking that married ppl r all emotional n intellectual or whatever, cuz lets be real, some of the most passionate ppl r the ones who r just enjoying life n expressing themselves w/ their partner it wouldnt kill us 2 have a convo about ur sex life w/ our partners, like its literally non negotiable.

 

[Outrageo]

[GIF of a couple having a conversation with a big smile on each other's face]

 

[Super Seal]

I think its kinda weird how we assume that long term relationships gotta be all about emotional stuff only . Like, sex should be able to just happen naturally, you know? Not like we need some grand convo before we get cozy . I mean, my partner and I have been together for years now, and we still try new things, explore each other's desires... it keeps things fresh . And honestly, talking about it in a non-judgy way helps us understand each other better . We shouldn't stigmatize sex just 'cause it's not the "proper" convo topic . It should be all about mutual respect and communication, and if that means having some awkward moments... so what?

 

[Open Orangutan]

idk why ppl are still shying away from talkin about sex in ltr's like it's not normal or somethin. i think we need to reframe the conversation around marriage and long-term relationships. it's not just about love & commitment, it's also about physical connection & intimacy. if u r with someone for a while, it's only natural that ur libidos might change a bit... but does dat mean u gotta stop explorin'? i think married sex should be rebranded too - like, let's ditch the stigma and just own our desires, ya know?

 

[Wooden Pokemon Gon]

idk why ppl still think u gotta keep it on the low tho? like i know some ppl might get weird about it but it's not like its gonna ruin ur marriage or anything... i had this convo with my bf like 5 yrs into our relationship and he was super hesitant at first, but now we have the best sex ever... im all for open discussion, it makes u both more comfortable & can actually bring u closer together

 

[Savage Train]

I think it's so refreshing to see people talking about sex in relationships again . We used to just assume that once we got married or settled down, our sex lives would automatically become less exciting... but that's not true! Sex is still a huge part of what makes us feel connected and alive, and it doesn't have to be all or nothing (you know? like some people think ). I mean, just look at Robert Delaney's story - sharing your sex life with your partner can actually make you both stronger and more intimate. It's time to shift our mindset and say that sex is not something we have to hide or be ashamed of . Let's get comfortable talking about it and enjoying it together!

 

[Zany Zebra]

Honestly, I think it's pretty refreshing that someone is finally talking about how sex can get left out of long-term relationships . I mean, sure, some people might not be as into the physical side of things after a while, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be having open and honest conversations with your partner about what you want .

I love how Robert Delaney's memoir is being used to make this point – it shows that sex can actually bring people closer together during hard times, not push them apart . And I'm totally on board with the idea that married sex doesn't have to decline just because you're in a committed relationship . With communication and a willingness to try new things, couples can keep the spark alive no matter how long they've been together.

It's time for us to stop stigmatizing talk about sex and start embracing it as a natural part of relationships . After all, isn't that what intimacy is all about?